John Mulaney Quotes


John Mulaney Quotes
John Mulaney Quotes

  • You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.

  • It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.
By John Mulaney

  • It's important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don't think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.
By John Mulaney

  • As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don't know, I just got quieter... With my friends, I was still an extrovert.
By John Mulaney

  • I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.
By John Mulaney

  • You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.
By John Mulaney

  • My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don't think we had a family dinner where one didn't come up.
By John Mulaney

  • All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it. By
John Mulaney

  • My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it's kind of hilarious.
By John Mulaney

  • If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial.
By John Mulaney

  • Being president looks like the worst job in the world.
By John Mulaney

  • I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.
By John Mulaney

  • Bill Clinton fascinates me because, at the time, it seemed like his shenanigans and the people after him were the biggest political stories you could ever imagine. I remember when the 'Starr Report' was published in the newspaper, all of us were reading it in the high-school cafeteria, and a dean started taking the newspapers away from us.
By John Mulaney

  • Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.
By John Mulaney

  • My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don't think we had a family dinner where one didn't come up.
By John Mulaney

  • Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn't be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
By John Mulaney

  • I've seen most of the major, important shows, but I watch them all at once, like movies, so my TV relationships are still with shows like 'Law And Order: SVU,' 'Shark Tank,' and HGTV.
By John Mulaney

  • I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny-but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.'

  • I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on.
By John Mulaney

  • The difficulty of getting a movie made through a major studio is so extreme that when a movie comes out, everyone should give it four stars because it was accomplished.
By John Mulaney

  • If someone had written a review saying, ''Oh, Hello' is stupid,' we would have said, 'Yeah, it is. You're absolutely right.' That people liked it was extremely cool.
By John Mulaney

  • When you have something that you did so many jobs on and were so front and center on, and then people dislike it, you want to learn lessons from it, and you want to move on, and you want to move on too fast.
By John Mulaney

  • I don't make plans anymore. So I'm not living minute to minute.
By John Mulaney

  • Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.
By John Mulaney

  • I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it's a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it. What do I do in that situation? Get through it.
By John Mulaney

  • I like to pace onstage.
By John Mulaney

  • I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, 'Oh, yeah, I could be like that.'
By John Mulaney

  • I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.
By John Mulaney

  • I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.
By John Mulaney

  • I'm pretty self-critical about everything I've ever done: stand-up, 'SNL.'
By John Mulaney Quotes

  • The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
By John Mulaney

  • I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.

  • Sometimes I - with comedy, it's like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don't. And when they don't, they don't. And that's it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you're like, 'Hi! I'm -' and you stumble, and they're like, 'It's over.'
By John Mulaney

  • I have too many influences to name. I like a wide variety of stuff, which I think has been helpful. I liked every comedian I saw on TV growing up in the '80s. Every comedian.
By John Mulaney

John Mulaney Quotes For Graduation


John Mulaney Quotes For Graduation
John Mulaney Quotes For Graduation

  • ‘I’LL KEEP ALL MY EMOTIONS RIGHT HERE, AND THEN ONE DAY I’LL DIE’
By John mulaney

  • It’s important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.
By John mulaney

  • The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
By John mulaney

  • ‘YOU REMEMBER BEING 12 WHEN YOU’RE LIKE, ‘NO ONE LOOK AT ME OR I’LL KILL MYSELF”
By John mulaney

  • ‘JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ACCURATE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE INTERESTING’
By John mulaney

  • Sometimes I – with comedy, it’s like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don’t. And when they don’t, they don’t. And that’s it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you’re like, ‘Hi! I’m -‘ and you stumble, and they’re like, ‘It’s over.’
By John mulaney

  • ‘AND THEN HE ORDERED ONE BLACK COFFEE FOR HIMSELF AND KEPT DRIVING’
By John mulaney

  • ‘I WAS IN CONNECTICUT RECENTLY DOING WHITE PEOPLE STUFF…’
By John mulaney

  • ‘YOU HAVE THE MORAL BACKBONE OF A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR’

  • ‘I’M LIKE AN IPHONE’
By John mulaney

  • My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious.
By John mulaney

  • You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
By John mulaney

  • You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.

  • Bill Clinton fascinates me because, at the time, it seemed like his shenanigans and the people after him were the biggest political stories you could ever imagine. I remember when the ‘Starr Report’ was published in the newspaper, all of us were reading it in the high-school cafeteria, and a dean started taking the newspapers away from us.
By John mulaney

  • If someone had written a review saying, ”Oh, Hello’ is stupid,’ we would have said, ‘Yeah, it is. You’re absolutely right.’ That people liked it was extremely cool.
By John mulaney

  • As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter… With my friends, I was still an extrovert.
By John mulaney

  • I have found that people who really want to work at ‘Saturday Night Live’ and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny–but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it’s kind of nice in that way–there’s a lot of people who say, ‘I just always wanted to do this, and now I’m doing it.’
By John mulaney quotes

  • When you have something that you did so many jobs on and were so front and center on, and then people dislike it, you want to learn lessons from it, and you want to move on, and you want to move on too fast.
By John mulaney

  • I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don’t feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.
By John mulaney

  • I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.
By John mulaney

  • All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.
By John mulaney

  • My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don’t think we had a family dinner where one didn’t come up.
By John mulaney

  • It’s been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I’m like, ‘Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?’ Because I’m trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.
By John mulaney

  • I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.
By John mulaney

  • I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?
By John mulaney

  • I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever’s on.
By John mulaney

  • Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
By John mulaney

  • Being president looks like the worst job in the world.
By John mulaney

  • Most open-mic experiences I had were okay.

Best John Mulaney Quotes


Best john mulaney quotes
Best john mulaney quotes

I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it’s a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it. What do I do in that situation? Get through it.
By John mulaney

I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
By John mulaney

‘NOW, I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC’
By John mulaney

I plan to join the ‘SNL’ band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I’ll be sure to look right into camera.
By John mulaney

Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.
By John mulaney

’13-YEAR-OLDS ARE THE MEANEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD’
By John mulaney

If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial.
By John mulaney

‘IN TERMS OF INSTANT RELIEF, CANCELLING PLANS IS LIKE HEROIN’
By John mulaney

Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn’t be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
By John mulaney

I’ve seen most of the major, important shows, but I watch them all at once, like movies, so my TV relationships are still with shows like ‘Law And Order: SVU,’ ‘Shark Tank,’ and HGTV.
By John mulaney

I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don’t feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.
By John mulaney

‘YOU HAVE THE MORAL BACKBONE OF A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR’
By John mulaney

Top 10 John Mulaney Quotes

 

Top 10 john mulaney quotes
Top 10 john mulaney quotes

  • Bill Clinton fascinates me because, at the time, it seemed like his shenanigans and the people after him were the biggest political stories you could ever imagine. I remember when the ‘Starr Report’ was published in the newspaper, all of us were reading it in the high-school cafeteria, and a dean started taking the newspapers away from us.

  • It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up.
By John Mulaney

  • You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.
By John Mulaney

  • I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny-but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.'
By John Mulaney

  • It’s important to remember that life is a joke, and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time.
By John mulaney

  • I have too many influences to name. I like a wide variety of stuff, which I think has been helpful. I liked every comedian I saw on TV growing up in the '80s. Every comedian.
By John Mulaney

  • Sometimes I – with comedy, it’s like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don’t. And when they don’t, they don’t. And that’s it. There are no appeals. You show up, and you’re like, ‘Hi! I’m -‘ and you stumble, and they’re like, ‘It’s over.’
By John mulaney

  • I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it’s a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it. What do I do in that situation? Get through it.
By John Mulaney Quotes For Graduation

  • Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
By John mulaney

  • Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn’t be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
By John mulaney

John mulaney quotes college


John mulaney quotes college
John mulaney quotes college

It’s really fun to be writing and producing your own sketches. You almost have more control.
By John Mulaney

The best-case scenario is everything goes perfect and smooth, but we’re also a new and weird show. So all my conversations were, “Hey last night didn’t go perfect but we kind of know what we’ve got in store for everybody episode-wise.
By John Mulaney

I like that idea that what I do might be mainstream. Might be.
By John Mulaney

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.
By John Mulaney

Understudies don’t normally get invited to openings.

As I got into high school and after puberty, I was a little more inward. I was a real extrovert when I was little, but I don’t know, I just got quieter With my friends, I was still an extrovert.
By John Mulaney

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I’ve always been long-winded.
By John Mulaney

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.
By John Mulaney

I’ve done festivals in the past where I’d be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall – but that’ll be a long way off. So it’s very exciting.
By John Mulaney

My standup persona is like I’ll heighten things, but I’m observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.
By John Mulaney

My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.
By John Mulaney

An episode that is near and dear to my heart is the entire cast in one room for the night because we get bed bugs in our apartment building so we have to stay with Martin Short.
By John Mulaney

There’s [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn’t try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of “Law and Order” or something.
By John Mulaney

Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time, it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.
By John Mulaney Quotes For Graduation

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
By John Mulaney

With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.
By John Mulaney

Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.
By John Mulaney

I never turn on the crowd. Sometimes, you think it’s a terrible show, and then afterward, sometimes people say they really liked it. So turning on the crowd is only going to alienate the few people who might like it.
By John Mulaney

Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you’re playing to the camera.
By John Mulaney

I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don’t get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
By John Mulaney

I quit drinking because I used to drink too much, then I would black out and I would ruin parties.
By John Mulaney

I played basketball for five years and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away — then they’re just pants.
By John Mulaney

If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.
By John Mulaney

I was just trying to blend the stand up that I do almost with like the visual sketch stuff that I did on “Saturday Night Live.” And so in terms of how elastic in the world is, we’ll see what we can get away with.
By John Mulaney

I don’t make plans anymore. So I’m not living minute to minute.
By John Mulaney

I had a lot of fun writing things that died during dress rehearsal. Sometimes I remember the crazy ones that died even more fondly than the ones that did really well.
By John Mulaney







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